The Violation of Trust

Pitfalls to Avoid in Ministry

Pitfall Road Sign Illustration Design

One of the pitfalls to being a “Barnabas” is that our hidden objective is to meet a need in our own lives — Look over this list and see if you identify with any of the false beliefs here.
• Not being spiritually healthy or emotionally mature ourselves. Belief: If we minister, God will love us more.
• Maybe a need for validation or recognition from the people we minister to. Belief: In our emotional immaturity, we need to know that we’re needed. Or a Belief: We feel productive/important if we’re doing something.
• May have subtle pride. Belief: We feel we need to tell the pastor or others about what we’re doing in “our” ministry.
• WANTING TO BE THE “SAVIOR” FOR OTHERS. Belief: Being involved in a ministry will fix our own problems. Or a Belief: We feel that if we can “save” somebody else, that may clarify our own issues.
• May be stuck in a “works” mentality. Belief: If we minister, God will bless us.
• May need to feel like the expert at something. Belief: We have to have all the answers.
• May have an anger-driven motive for service. Belief: We feel that no one was there for us when we were hurting.
• May believe that as those we minister to get better, we will get better. Belief: We will vicariously be healed ourselves.
• May have a “fix-it” mentality. Belief: We can’t stand chaos and are driven to “fix” others.
Ask God to search your heart and reveal any wrong motives in your work with those with D.I.D. Ask God to help you answer these questions?
• What constitutes “success” in my eyes?
• In what way am I ministering so that my own needs will be met?
• How much do I rely on other people’s approval and praise?
• To which specific pitfalls am I most susceptible?

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For those of you who are looking at our blog posts from our website, (http://www.lydiadm.org) you can follow this blog directly at: http://www.lydia911@wordpress.com

Our blog is written to counselors and those who are discipling men and women with D.I.D.

As you can see by our blog title — “lydia911”– it is meant to be an encouragement and provide insights as you help these who are the most shattered. Sometimes you can feel lonely and overwhelmed by the intensity of the healing process. I want to be there for you as a kind of safety net, as together, we demonstrate the heart of the Good Shepherd. Thank you.

Alaine

A Mother’s Sorrow

A mother’s sorrow. . .

You probably hate me. I know I do. Everything is so upside down. . not the way it was supposed to be. Nobody is to know. I have to be sure of that. Nobody knows . . . but I do.

If only I hadn’t married him. If only I had known. Well, I guess I did know . . . but not the part about how it would be now, when everything has to be a secret, when I have to hide his insanity from everyone, when I have to make myself a stone inside every time he . . .

Booze helps. It helps that mother place inside me stay dead. I need that to help calm the gut wrenching pain that only a mother can know. Something has to be done with that . . . that tearing of my soul.

He has his grip on me.

Sometimes when the horror of it all rakes its fingernails across my mother’s heart, when I can’t stand the look in my little ones eyes, I go to my dead place inside . . . but it still hurts. Her eyes . . . they need me . . . she needs me. What kind of a **** mother am I anyway?

There is always a first time . . . oh, not that . . . no . . . no . . . just take me instead. She’s so little. You’ll hurt her. Look away . . . look away. Stop . . . stop. Oh no . . .

He has his grip on me.

I wish I didn’t have ears. I wish I couldn’t hear her when he takes her . . . when they have their way with her. Something needs to be the cotton for my soul, stuffed tightly there at that place inside me where it bleeds for her . . . for what they are doing to her . . .

Do you think I don’t know? Do you think I don’t care? Do you think I don’t wish to God that I could stop it all . . . that I could rescue my little one . . . my precious little one?

He has his grip on me.

How could I love the one, the monster that abuses her, that makes her bleed . . . but somehow I do. I know that he knows what he is doing, how he is destroying his little girl. I know that afterwards when he comes down from his high, he feels terrible. He does . . . doesn’t he?

There are two kinds of love, the love I have for him and the love I have for her. It isn’t fair . . . they are at war in my heart . . . they arm wrestle for my soul . . . and he always wins. He has to. I have no other place to go. Where would I go? What would I do? He would come after me, no matter what. I am sure of that.

He has his grip on me.

There are times when I daydream, when I go far away from here, to a place where she would be safe . . . to a place where I would be safe . . . from his rage . . . from his fists . . . from his insanity. I dream of that place where everything is O.K. . . . where everything is calm and quiet . . . and safe.

I’ve never been safe. Even before my brothers took me as their wife, I was broken. They just finished the job. She, like me now, knew what they did to me, their sister, when the smell of alcohol was strong on their breath. And she, like me now, did nothing. How could she? Like me now, she was married to a man whose secrets she had to hide . . . like me now, she too had to hide the black eyes, the bruises, the deadness in her own mother heart.

He has his grip on me.

He grips me with his insanity as his hands close tightly around my neck. His face comes close as I try to interfere, to stop the madness, to keep her safe. But his real grip is on my soul. It closes in on me . . . it pushes down on me . . . it brings the tragedy of hopelessness to that special mother place inside.

It’s hopeless . . . there’s no way out . . .

He has his grip on me . . .
A mother’s sorrow. . .

You probably hate me. I know I do. Everything is so upside down. . not the way it was supposed to be. Nobody is to know. I have to be sure of that. Nobody knows . . . but I do.

If only I hadn’t married him. If only I had known. Well, I guess I did know . . . but not the part about how it would be now, when everything has to be a secret, when I have to hide his insanity from everyone, when I have to make myself a stone inside every time he . . .

Booze helps. It helps that mother place inside me stay dead. I need that to help calm the gut wrenching pain that only a mother can know. Something has to be done with that . . . that tearing of my soul.

He has his grip on me.

Sometimes when the horror of it all rakes its fingernails across my mother’s heart, when I can’t stand the look in my little ones eyes, I go to my dead place inside . . . but it still hurts. Her eyes . . . they need me . . . she needs me. What kind of a **** mother am I anyway?

There is always a first time . . . oh, not that . . . no . . . no . . . just take me instead. She’s so little. You’ll hurt her. Look away . . . look away. Stop . . . stop. Oh no . . .

He has his grip on me.

I wish I didn’t have ears. I wish I couldn’t hear her when he takes her . . . when they have their way with her. Something needs to be the cotton for my soul, stuffed tightly there at that place inside me where it bleeds for her . . . for what they are doing to her . . .

Do you think I don’t know? Do you think I don’t care? Do you think I don’t wish to God that I could stop it all . . . that I could rescue my little one . . . my precious little one?

He has his grip on me.

How could I love the one, the monster that abuses her, that makes her bleed . . . but somehow I do. I know that he knows what he is doing, how he is destroying his little girl. I know that afterwards when he comes down from his high, he feels terrible. He does . . . doesn’t he?

There are two kinds of love, the love I have for him and the love I have for her. It isn’t fair . . . they are at war in my heart . . . they arm wrestle for my soul . . . and he always wins. He has to. I have no other place to go. Where would I go? What would I do? He would come after me, no matter what. I am sure of that.

He has his grip on me.

There are times when I daydream, when I go far away from here, to a place where she would be safe . . . to a place where I would be safe . . . from his rage . . . from his fists . . . from his insanity. I dream of that place where everything is O.K. . . . where everything is calm and quiet . . . and safe.

I’ve never been safe. Even before my brothers took me as their wife, I was broken. They just finished the job. She, like me now, knew what they did to me, their sister, when the smell of alcohol was strong on their breath. And she, like me now, did nothing. How could she? Like me now, she was married to a man whose secrets she had to hide . . . like me now, she too had to hide the black eyes, the bruises, the deadness in her own mother heart.

He has his grip on me.

He grips me with his insanity as his hands close tightly around my neck. His face comes close as I try to interfere, to stop the madness, to keep her safe. But his real grip is on my soul. It closes in on me . . . it pushes down on me . . . it brings the tragedy of hopelessness to that special mother place inside.

It’s hopeless . . . there’s no way out . . .

He has his grip on me . . .

Finishing Well

Finishing well. . . I’ve been asking the Lord what that looks like. Recently a friend and fellow minister announced his ministry’s 25^th year anniversary. It got me thinking.

For those of us who have been “in the trenches” just as Paul says, we have “fought wild beasts at Ephesus”, so to speak, as we have encountered the demonic and satan’s many hindrances to our ministries. At times we have grown tired of seeing the enemy take advantage of the bad choices those we minister to have sometimes made. Why is satan allowed to do so much? Aren’t we all praying against his work?

Once, in a situation where it looked like the enemy was prevailing, I asked the Lord in a frustrated tone, “Why don’t you shorten satan’s chain so that he can’t interfere so much?”

I believe the Lord spoke to my spirit and said, “Won’t heaven be wonderful? Not only will he (satan) not be there, but your flesh won’t be there either.” It was a reminder that my flesh-based frustration was likewise a problem. “Oh” I said. . .I say that a lot to Him as He graciously relates truth to me!

When I was a little girl, about 8 years old, I experienced a situation that highlighted for me a belief in the strength of the Lord in the midst of having no confirming evidence. I was told something bad was going to happen and the men that surrounded me mockingly asked me, “Why don’t you call on your God and ask Him to stop us?”

I prayed silently that my God would stop what they were going to do to me. But He didn’t stop them. Afterwards, as the men continued to mock God, they asked me “Why didn’t He stop us? Isn’t He strong enough?”

I answered with a depth of conviction that I am sure did not come from a little 8 year olds fledgling faith (I was saved when I was 7) but from the faithfulness of His Spirit. I looked up at those who were mocking and said, “I don’t know why He didn’t stop you, but I still choose Him!”                                       

“I still choose Him!” I think this is the bottom line when those perplexing situations happen and it looks like the enemy is winning. Or when we frankly, just get tired of fighting. I think that’s also one aspect of “finishing well” – that of insisting on living a life of faith – with or without external “visual” confirmation.

Yes, sometimes God chooses to nullify satan’s power. Sometimes He doesn’t. Either way, He is still the King and I still choose Him!

Blessings,

Alaine

Prayer: Optional or Vital in Our Ministries

 

Prayer. I’ve been thinking this morning about how easy it is, on the surface, to have prayer as a core of our ministries to the shattered. But I came to a point in LDM where I had to ask myself, “Is prayer REALLY the core of our ministry?”

I remember positive answers to prayer. Like the time my roommate and I needed to take our rent money to the landlord downstairs by 2:00. At that time, when I was in the middle part of my healing, I was living on a shoe string.

We had part of the rent money but needed more. My roommate and I decided that we should have a time of praise since we were convinced that our God would supply our need. So we began to enter into praise prayers.

Fifteen minutes before we had to give the rent, there was a knock at our door. It was a woman from our church. She said that she had felt led to hand us some money after church last week but she then felt that the Lord was saying “Don’t give it now.” She had been at home this particular day and suddenly felt an urgency to bring the money over to our house asap.

And, wouldn’t you know, the amount she gave us was just the amount we were short on the rent!

I’m sure, as you minister in impossible situations, you realize that if the Lord doesn’t “show up”, nothing will be accomplished.

Also, I know that since many of the folks we minister to often go from crisis to crisis, we often find ourselves sending up “911 prayers” asking the Lord to intervene in the current desperateness. But, in addition to these “reactive prayers,” I think we need to also pray what I call “proactive prayers.” These are prayers not based on current emergencies but based on the prayers of Paul as he prayed for his friends. I’ve added a handout we use when training our prayer team. Hope it’s helpful to you.

While you’re at it, how about sharing some of the “Yes” answers to your prayers here on our blog? It would encourage us all, I think.

Praying for Others

Eph. 1:15-19

• May they know You better and better
• Reveal Yourself to them
• May they have spiritual wisdom
• Open their spiritual eyes to see things clearly
• Help them understand that You have chosen and called them for a purpose
• Show them what a rich inheritance they have
• Help them see the “surpassing greatness” of Your power at work in their lives

2 Thess. 1:11-12

• May You count them as ones who live lives worthy of their calling
• Fulfill every desire they have for doing good
• Give them the power to live lives of faith
• May You be glorified by the way they live

Phil.1:9-11

• Make their love for You and others grow more and more
• Help them to have real knowledge and discernment so they can make the best choices
• Help them to be sincere and blameless
• May their lives be filled with the fruit of right choices

Col. 1:9-12

• Fill them with the knowledge of Your will
• Give them spiritual wisdom and understanding
• May they walk in a manner worthy of the Lord
• Help them to live lives and make choices that please You
• May they bear fruit as they do good works
• Help them increase in their knowledge of You
• Strengthen them according to Your might
• Help them be steadfast and patient
• Help them live lives filled with thanksgiving to You
• Help them enjoy their relationship with You

Eph. 3:14-19

• Strengthen them with power through Your Spirit in the inner man
• Help them to abide in You
• Help them live lives characterized by faith
• May they be rooted and grounded in Your love
• Help them comprehend how much You really love them
• May they be filled up to all the fullness of God

 

Welcome! Thanks for taking a minute to spend with me.

 I’m taking this first step to make a blog for both you who stop and help hurting people, the way the good Samaritan did, as well as you who are in the process of healing.  In the future, I hope to post articles I have written, videos and other cool stuff that I hope will let you know that you are not alone.   

I’m coming from both sides.  Forty years ago, the Lord brought me incredible spiritual freedom and emotional healing.  He has allowed me in the last twenty years to minister to emotionally shattered people and those who help them.  I hope to pass on something that might be helpful to you via this blog.  Let me know what you think.